Your Lovable Trans Auntie is our go-to advice column for life’s biggest (and messiest) questions—love, work, identity, and everything in between. With a signature blend of warmth, wit, and just the right amount of sass, Auntie offers readers a uniquely trans perspective that’s as affirming as it is entertaining. Whether dishing out heartfelt wisdom, practical advice, or a little tough love, Auntie is here to remind everyone that they’re never alone on this journey.
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I'll never forget the first time I went with trade back to his place.
It was at the end of an unusual Sunday Funday in a surprisingly mild January. With the lack of snow on the ground, I decided to wear my favorite cheetah print heels for brunch with friends. Brunch soon turned to barhopping; mimosas soon turned to mixed drinks. We went well into the night, where I flirted with trade at a neighborhood bar before going to his place. I prefer having guys come to my place with silky bedsheets and a decent view. But I gave my cares to the wind. We made out and tore our clothes off when the front door closed.
That night felt amazing under a combination of mimosas, cocktails, and several tequila shots. Still, I felt horrible the day after. Waking up and looking around, I clutched my pearls: laundry all over the floor, dishes piled by his TV, sports posters hanging on the wall by thumbtacks, and a dusty Packers comforter covering my legs on a bed without a bedframe.
If only I knew this was the highlight of my dating life in 2024.
I'm not saying I could judge a man by his bedroom, but if there was a red flag of a fuckboy, this was it. But what if you wake up after a steam night to find a red MAGA flag hanging proudly in his living room?
That's precisely the situation Fawning-in-Philly found herself in.
"Auntie! Baby, let me give you the tea," she begins. "So boom, met this trade on the apps, right? We link up and, baby, let me tell you…the man put in WORK!" She was surprised he gave her his number–some trade like to ghost after a session–and they'd been seeing each other on and off for the better part of five months. It was great until she found him on Facebook and soon learned he was MAGA.
"I'm talking Trump 2024, 'drag queens are indoctrinating the children,' 'January 6 was a setup,' all that foolishness," she exclaims. "So...do I let him have it? Or do I sip my water, mind my business, and leave this trade alone? HELP!"
What is Trade?
I've heard this term since I was a pre-trans tween. But I constantly have to remind myself that some folks don't honestly know what 'trade' is or confuse it with other terms. So, before I unpack Fawning's story, let's review some quick vocabulary.
'Trade' is usually a casual partner who is not gay-identified, one who exudes masculinity. It's a term I became familiar with, thanks partly to my late aunt and her friends who belonged to the ballroom scene. But its origins are far older. In Paul Baker's Fantabulosa: A Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang, it's defined as a male sexual partner meant for a hookup or one-night stand between a working-class trade and a wealthy male partner. It's completely different from DL or "down-low" men, a relatively modern Black queer term used to identify other Black heterosexual men who are discreet about having casual or romantic male partners.
I and many others have been one to gossip about ventures with trade over brunch. I very likely dished about the trade I went with at the end of that night, though I probably spent the day after in bed curing a hangover. I've never been one to out trade in public. We may see each other from across the bar and make a few glances. But I've never been the one to cause the scene if I discovered he brought his girlfriend, fiancee, or wife with him.
But, Fawning-in-Philly, this is an age-old question: if a closet case storms the Capitol, but no one is around to film it, does it make a sound?
What is Outing?
Outing someone is one of those moral g(r)ay areas that, depending on who you ask, is either a justified act of public service or a violation of queer ethics. The general rule of thumb? We don't out people and reveal anyone's sexual or gender identity without their consent. Yes, even if they are MAGA. Not because they deserve our protection but because forcing someone out before they're ready, regardless of how vile they are, can have serious consequences.
But there's a difference between someone being closeted and someone being a dangerous hypocrite.
Fawning-in-Philly's trade isn't some sweet, small-town boy still figuring himself out. He is actively supporting a movement hellbent on attacking and criminalizing trans people while simultaneously seeking us intimately.
And take Auntie's word for it: he's not the only one.
So, Is it Okay to Out Trade?
Before you go full cyber vigilante, ask yourself: What do you want to accomplish?
If the goal is revenge—and Auntie's favorite activity is being petty—then I get it. It's somewhat satisfying to watch a Trump supporter "FAFO" after thinking his policies and executive orders protect them. It would be even more pleasurable to watch a MAGA man lose his marriage and standing because his secret escapades are exposed.
But revenge is like a tequila shot with your ex: momentarily satisfying but almost always followed by regret.
Now, if the goal is to protect the queer community, then we're dealing with a different beast. Suppose trade is in a position of power, actively harming LGBTQ+ people, legislating against us, or weaponizing his own self-loathing to attack others. In that case, it's time to send off the social media posts with receipts. Because, at this point, it's not just about him. It's about all of us.
It comes down to two categories.
- Being a random MAGA voter: Maybe he's just a deeply closeted dude with a self-hating kink who votes Republican, listens to Jordan Peterson, and praises the likes of Elon Musk and Andrew Tate as the epitome of manhood. That's sad, pathetic even, but not necessarily dangerous. Yes, he's a hypocrite. He probably uses the terms "woke" and "DEI" without understanding their meaning. But outing him won't stop him from fawning for Trump. At best, it'll be another sob story to use when he inevitably writes his essay for The Daily Wire.
- Actively harming LGBTQ+ individuals: Now, if this man's out here actively making life worse for queer people, then, babes, he's fair game. If he's protesting outside drag shows, doxxing trans kids, pushing for anti-LGBTQ+ policies, uses his platform to spread hate but would rather die than admit he loves trans bodies (paging Mark Robinson!), then set it off! Hypocrisy alone isn't enough to justify outing someone. But hypocrisy plus harm? That's a different story. Exposing MAGA trade isn't just personal but a matter of lowering the potential risk of harm to others.
What's the best way of handling Trade Who voted for Trump?
Auntie loves strategy, so here are your options:
The High Road (a.k.a. Let It Go, Elsa!)
- Delete the screenshots, block his number, and block him across all social media channels.
- Take a deep breath and move on.
- Remind yourself that people like him will suffer their kind of punishment: self-hatred is its own prison.
- Invest in good karma and let the universe do its work.
The Petty Road (a.k.a. Shake the Table, Just a Little)
- Maybe you don't out him but drop a few vague posts and Stories.
- Maybe you let his guilt and paranoia eat him alive without saying a word.
- Maybe you're nonchalant and confused when he randomly sends a "WYM?" text
- Do not take this option under the influence of alcohol.
The Nuclear Option (a.k.a. Out the Hypocrite, But with Purpose)
- Open these codes if he is actively harming the community.
- But be prepared for potential backlash: it could get messy.
- If you expose him, focus on what he's doing instead of who he's sleeping with. Make it about how he's harming others rather than his sexuality or preferences.
- Drink water, exhale, and put your phone to the side.
Auntie's Final Verdict
Fawning-in-Philly, I get it. There's something deeply galling about queer people suffering under the weight of MAGA politics when these very same people sneak into our spaces for sex. It's frustrating. It's infuriating. It makes you want to scream.
But my advice? Don't let him turn you into him.
Revenge might feel good in the moment, but real power? That's knowing you don't need to stoop to his level. His life is already a gilded cage of lies, self-hatred, and bad political takes. And when he gets caught–and it will happen–it won't be because you outed him. It'll be because men like him always get exposed. (Paging Corey DeAngelis!)
And when that day comes, you'll be sitting pretty, knowing you didn't even have to lift a finger.
Stay woke and fabulous,
Your Lovable Trans Auntie