So you wanna see him again? Here's how to make it happen!
Are you great at landing a first date but for some reason a second date rarely follows? Don't panic. First dates really suck, but oftentimes, second dates suck even more.
Maybe the spark fizzled quickly, maybe one was more interested than the other, or maybe somebody else came along who caught their attention. There could be a million reasons, but none of them change the fact the second date won’t happen.
If you’ve found yourself going on more dates than you have time to keep up with that lead nowhere, first of all, you’re not alone. Second of all, if you’re looking to have more dates with the same guy (and maybe even make him your boyfriend), here are 15 tips that should help you out.
1. Do something neither of you have ever done
It's likely you've at least chatted a little bit prior to meeting, so decide on something neither one of you have ever done but wanted to. This could be something as little as visiting a local museum to as big as taking a road trip the first time you meet. You really do never know.
2. Do something adventurous
Have you ever jumped out of a plane on a first date? A death-defying experience is definitely a way to bond, and quickly. It's also a great way to do something memorable, get the blood flowing, and hopefully lead into something more serious down the line.
3. Talk about something meaningful
Do you find yourself having the same boring conversations on every first date you have? “What do you do?” “Where are you from?” “Where did you go to school?” “How long have you lived here?” If you’re talking about nothing interesting, then your date won’t think that you are interesting. Take a risk. Expose something personal about yourself that will lead to an in-depth, meaningful conversation. Ask tough questions. Discuss societal issues, politics, and your most embarrassing drinking story. Be interesting by saying something interesting. (And FYI, you know the date is screwed what you get to the point where you start asking, “What does your sister do?”)
4. Pay special attention to their interests
Like talking about something meaningful, pay attention to their interests right away. If you have any time to talk before the first date, find out what kind of dates they like. Are they a dinner and movie type of guy, or do they prefer something more romantic and intimate? Do they like sweets or completely avoid dessert? Paying attention to little things he tells you about himself will go a long way to prove your interest and hopefully hold onto his.
5. Find common interests
When I meet someone who still reads comic books on the first date, that always guarantees a second. Sure, just because you both read comics as adults doesn’t mean that you should be together. But because it is somewhat niche, it’s something the two of you can bond over. People get excited when they share something in common with you—especially if that thing in common is deemed silly or taboo.
6. Play a bonding (not a bondage) game
Sometimes, you just need a good icebreaker. Many of us are super nervous on first dates, so it may be beneficial to play an ice-breaking game to get the conversation going. One idea: “Ask me a question you want to know, I answer, then I share a fun fact about me that I think you should know. Then it’s your turn.” Lather, rinse, repeat. Five rounds of this should get you from appetizers all the way through desserts (side note: This game was how I landed my first boyfriend.)
7. Try to end the date on a concrete note
At the end of the date, instead of going through the usual, “We should do this again sometime!” make your intent clear that you want to see them again. I like to open myself up to rejection. I say something along the lines, “I know you’re busy with [X], but I would definitely love to see you again sometime next week if you’re free.” This gives them an “out,” which is good; they can say they’re too busy. Or, conversely, you can schedule a second date right then and there. Don’t end first dates in the gray area if you don’t have to.
8. Avoid discussing exes/things that turn you off right away
We all have a past, we all have a dating history, and we all have things that turn us off. However, while important to discuss those things at some point with your significant other, maybe leave it off the table for the first date. Your date doesn’t want to have any internal comparisons about people you’ve dated before, whether they’re “better than” them or not. Additionally, pulling up a laundry list of things that bother you may also be a little off-putting.
9. Share your passions and be interested to learn theirs
While we have our listening ears on, we should find out what our men are most passionate about, and also share what motivates us the most. This is a great way to break down some walls without getting too personal, and also helps you find out more about your potential partner. Who knows, sharing your passions could also help you find more common interests (see tip #2), and there’s never anything wrong with that.
10. Don’t have sex with them on the first date
ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. I usually sleep with guys on the first date, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But if you notice that you tend to sleep with guys on the first date, and afterwards, they don’t wanna see you again...then it’s time to withhold sex until you get to know the guy a little bit better.
11. Come up with better first date ideas
Every person I’ve seriously dated since I graduated from college started with a dinner date. Dinner dates clearly work for me, but they don’t work for everyone. Sometimes you need to do something more active or creative.
12. Don’t wait to text them after
If you had a good date, and you like them, text them the next day (or if you don’t think it’s too aggressive, even that night). There’s no reason to play games. You shouldn’t wait 72 hours before texting, “Hey are you free again this week?” If you like them, make that clear, and try to see them again sooner than later. If you wait, something may pop up for him, or he may already be excited about the next guy. Once the ball is rolling, you want to keep it rolling.
13. But don’t become a stage-5 clinger
I don’t think you should be playing hard to get (even though, sadly, it does work more often that it should). But at the same time, I’ve had great first dates with guys, only to receive a number of texts right away as I stepped onto the the train to head home. Then I receive a half dozen more when I'm brushing my teeth, talking about the future and our kids. Get excited about the man you’re dating. Be honest. Be forthcoming. Still, you should keep it cool. You don’t want to lay it on too thick.
14. Make sure there were actual sparks on the first date
I’m always surprised when I get asked out on a second date when the first date was so clearly mediocre. I can only speak from my own experience, but I know within the first 10 minutes of a date whether I like the guy, and if I'll want to see them again. Don’t settle for mediocrity, thinking to yourself, “Well, maybe if I got to know him more, I’d like him more.” No, definitely don’t do that. You should have a pretty strong feeling right from the get-go.
15. BE YOURSELF!
Look, we all get in our heads on first dates. We want to make good impressions, say the right things, and do the right things. Just take a deep breath. He’s going to like you for you, and if he doesn’t, well, we’ve had plenty of practice with first dates. “He” is out there, and he will like you for who you are. The best thing you can do on a first date is be true to yourself so your potential partner knows exactly who he’s getting.